What I Learned in My First (failed) Year of College

I have NEVER and I mean NEVER talked about school in my blog, even before my re-branding phase. But now that I have a vivid idea on what sort of content I want to share on my blog I thought that there would be no harm in me being open and honest on some of the things that I have learned this year and this very messy, extremely complicated ''failed'' that was first year of college. 

I use the word ''failed'' very lightly as I know some would see it that way  if they went through the same things that I went through this year, and although I felt that way for a moment.. those feelings completely dissipated when I realized all the valuable lessons that I have learned during this year that I know, will precede me for some time.

Lesson One - Trust your gut.

I know we all know this and people tell us this ALL the time but the truth is when you are faced to a situation where you have two options the logical one (that your gut is telling you to run away from) and the completely irrational one (that you heart and soul is drawn too) its easier said than done. 

Ever since I applied to my program, I knew it wasn't going to make me happy, even upon receiving my acceptance letter I was nowhere near excited. It already felt like I had made a mistake because I was going against my heart by choosing the program that made more sense and made my entourage comfortable. So instead of choosing Fashion Design like I really wanted too, I ended up choosing Business Management and Entrepreneurship and trying to convinced myself that I had made the right choice even if I knew I didn't. 

So I was left, on the first day of school, with a feeling of uneasiness and alienation. 

Lesson Two - Relationships change

Not only did I choose a program that I knew wasn't for me but ALL and I mean ALL of my closest friends went to a different school and the people who I knew, from other friends or friends that I wasn't as close to, were in a different program. So you could imagine how lonely I felt

Of course, I know we don't go to school for friends but for our future... my point is relationships will change and some people who were close to me upon going to college I am not so close too and some people I never thought I would be close too now, hold a dear place in my heart.

Thankfully I have people who I was and I still am close too and support me so much. I swear I don't know what I would have done this year if it wasn't for them. Although I am no longer friends with someone who literally was my closest of friends it made me learn something crucial...

Lesson Three - The art of letting go 

If you know anything about me you know that I am not one to get attached to people, the chances of that happening are extremely low if I'm being honest. That friend that I mentioned was one of the few people that I was extremely attached too (not in an unhealthy way at all lol). 

I really valued the relationship that the said person and I had because it was very healthy - in terms of communication, reciprocity, support and anything else that you can think of. So when our relationship went downhill, in a moment that I needed the support this healthy relationship provided , I was crushed and it affected me WAY more than I thought it would have or that I would like to admit. 

I've always been someone who had the capacity to bounce back from things but that was because I never really been attached to those things. Losing this friendship pretty much allowed to learned to make peace with things that are out of my control. 

''People are simply meant to be experienced.'' 

I got to experience amazing people and they get to do the same.

And when things take a different turn...well life goes on. 

No harsh feelings. 

Now, this is honestly not even the half of what I learned, and although for some this year would have felt like a waste of time, considering my decision of not honouring myself by choosing something that I KNEW wasn't meant for me in order to put others at ease, constantly feeling lonely and losing important people in my life. 

I am grateful because it took me this year of feeling shitty, stressed, anxious, lonely and having broken relationships to be able to build the courage to do the things that my heart and soul desire the most.

I am not perfect by any means after this experience, I am just progressing and that holds infinite value in my eyes.

Oh, and I am studying Fashion Design - Haute Couture this fall. (yay me!)

So yeah there's always a light at the end of the tunnel

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